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By C1 Staff
COOLIDGE, Ariz. — It’s not lost on anyone in corrections that a career as a CO is not the most lucrative, particularly given the long hours and persistent safety threats.
But while Arnold Willis is used to being out-earned by people in esteemed industries like banking and fast-food, he was appalled to recently learn that his dimwitted son, Rory, is now making more money than he is through his new “career” as an Uber driver.
“Rory is a sweet kid but his head is full of rocks,” Willis said. “We always assumed he’d live at home his entire life and scratch by, spending his meager discretionary income on comics.”
Willis was stunned when Rory arrived at a recent family gathering with a vintage 1993 ‘Jurassic Park’ t-shirt that he “must have blown $500 on.” When his dad quizzed him about the expense, Rory explained he had earned the money driving Uber – and a lot more of it.
Rory, who drives his dad’s old 2001 Toyota Camry with vanity plates “JAILB8”, has been driving Uber for about six months, amassing a 4.1-star rating by passengers, most of whom have rated him highly out of sheer pity.
Willis said he is truly happy his son has found success, but he is struggling to keep his morale up at work knowing he is making less to deal with violent criminals than his son is to cart spoiled millennials around.
“Yesterday, an inmate threw a ball of feces and wadded up toilet paper at me,” he said. “As I was cleaning it off, all I could think of was goddamn Rory cashing his big checks.”
Willis said he is contemplating retirement due to non-job related stress.