C1 Humor: Super special sensitive needs

Where do you put inmates who tell on tattle-tales — a nursery?

By Samuel Cowey, C1 Contributor

I’ve been working on the “Sensitive Needs Yard” (SNY) lately, and I’ve learned that it’s not as easy as you might think.

First off, they’re all innocent (and they won’t stop telling you why). They’re all here for telling, so they tell on everyone (especially my officers). They all think they know the rules better than you. You should see some of the lame appeals I’ve had to answer!

One guy actually filed an appeal complaining that the first watch officer was conducting his rounds too often, so the inmate wasn’t able to commit suicide.

They fight more than the mainline inmates (probably because they don’t have to get anyone’s approval to sock someone that they feel has disrespected them).

They have their own little SNY gangs (no, I’m not kidding). As a result of the SNY gangs, many SNY inmates are locking it up to get away from them (going PC from a PC yard). I wish I was making this up.

So I guess we’re going to need to create a “Special Sensitive Needs Yard” (SSNY).

Then when the SSNY inmate can’t hack it, we can create a “Super Special Sensitive Needs Yard” (SSSNY). All this has me wondering: when did prison become a daycare center?

Remember to stay safe, but have fun and laugh too. It sure makes your shift go faster!

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