A correctional officer's resolutions for 2015

Here's a humorous look at some potential resolutions for your new year

Every year people make resolutions on New Year’s Eve. Some resolve to lose weight, work out more, or stop smoking (drinking, etc.). Some resolutions are broken within hours, while some may make it the whole year. 

I like to reflect on the previous year and try to resolve not to do something stupid I’ve done by either mistake or accident. Here are a few I’ve made over the years:

  1. I resolve not to say, “It should be quiet tonight.”
  2. I resolve not to scream like a little girl the next time I almost step on a snake.
  3. I resolve not to set off my personal alarm device on the corner of my desk.
  4. I resolve not to spray my armpit with pepper spray (trigger got depressed on a chair armrest).
  5. I resolve not to tell the warden, “Yeah right, prank someone else, Smith!” (name changed to protect the guilty) and hang up on him.
  6. I resolve not to eat enchiladas before a double shift. (It’s a long night if you’re lactose intolerant.)
  7. I resolve not to break in new boots on a double shift.

Well, there are mine. What are some of yours? 

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