By Mark Warren, Training Coordinator/Consultant
Texas Association of Counties
There is a wonderful story told by the legendary Bob Newhart about a new inmate that has just arrived in prison, and is being shown around by one who has been there a while.
As they approach the dining hall, they hear uproarious laughter. At the doorway, they see a group of inmates at the dinner tables, and periodically one will stand up and yell out “17!” to huge laughter. Then another stands up and says “26!”, again to a big hee-haw. The new inmate asks what’s going on and the old one tells him that since their dinner time is so short, they’ve numbered all their favorite jokes in order to save time. The new inmate likes this idea and hollers out “39!” to dead silence. The dinner crowd looks at them, and then returns to their eating. As they walk away, the new inmate says, “What happened in there?” The old one says, “Well, some people just can’t tell a joke.”
The process of effective interpersonal communication – IPC – is not as difficult as telling a joke well, but it IS a conscious skill. That means that it can be practiced and improved, but we’re not practicing the right way. Most of us practice IPC to get what we want, not to get along and get better. There’s still time to re-learn some essential skills and practice them, so that even if we don’t always say the right thing, we can be “in the right” when we say it.
As the generations have come and gone, our IPC skills have diminished. Over time, they appear to have become less of a value. The younger we are, the bigger our technology threshold. The older we are, the larger our IPC threshold. “Baby-boomers” were raised and taught by story-tellers, in an environment of talking and talkers. Since then, each generation has been raised and taught with the assistance of more and more technology – electronic means of expression. Every moment any of us spend communicating electronically is a moment lost relating and engaging interpersonally.
For years, we have warned classes that, based on their generation or age, interpersonal communication skills are dwindling. If one is a baby boomer, born between 1945 and 1960, IPC was a “culturized” way of life, almost from birth. We talked and listened, learned empathy, asked questions, and exchanged feedback largely face to face. Baby boomers were in their 30s and 40s before they used a computer or other electronic means to communicate with others. Their communication threshold was established early in life, and to this day – for a little while longer at least – boomers are still the ruling class. The workplace runs primarily on their value system. But the oldest baby boomers are nearing retirement or have retired already.
If one was born between 1961 and 1981 – the group referred to as Generation X – chances are that you had some, but considerably less, interpersonal communication skills modeled by elders. Gen X-ers started relying on electronic media at a much earlier age (between 7 and 17 on average) to communicate. Technology was a mainstay of almost every relationship.
Finally, if one was born between 1982 and 1990 – Generation Y or “Echo-Boomers” – you had access to electronic media in pre-K, or kindergarten. As offspring of the hard-driving baby boomers, you had parents who wanted the absolute best and latest for you. But in order to provide the best and latest, they worked multiple jobs and tried to make as much money as possible to provide for the future. In the process, your IPC models were as much or more through electronic means as human ones. Though thoroughly comfortable with technology, Gen Y kids are the most deprived when it comes to effective IPC models, motivation and mentors.
Because this is the generation of the workplace future, elders need to remember to demonstrate and explain to younger employees why the old ways of communicating are still valuable.