By Jennifer Manning, Special Contributor to Corrections1
Living with a corrections officer means there is much we (my husband and I) don’t talk about with regard to the job. In the earlier days of my husband working at the jail we spoke a lot about the jail — what he did for daily duties, what a typical shift was like.
He has told me about the inmates he has had conversation with about what they can do to not return to the jail or the inmates that he knows so well because he has seen them return more times than he can count.
He has told me the things he has had to do not only to earn the respect of the other CO’s when he was a rookie but also the inmates, because working and living in a jail is a whole other culture in of itself — one we who live beyond the bars have no understanding of at all.
Strength Against Suicide
This summer it will be 13 years my husband has worked at the jail and so it has been 13 years I have worked alongside him, learning the lingo, how to speak to him about what happens there or how to let him have his space when he needs it. I like to think I know my husband and I like to think I know as much as I can on what goes on inside those walls for him to do his job. However I’m sure there is plenty I don’t know about and never will.
When I heard about a CO talking his own life at the jail he worked at, it hit me very close to home. Suicide is very personal to me. The suicide rate is also higher in corrections officers than any other area of law enforcement. In the CO culture you are not able to let your guard down — EVER. People who go to jail have committed crimes, they made a choice one way or another to break the law and are somewhere in our Country’s judicial process.
As a CO with regard to this it is not their job to do anything other than make sure an inmate is kept safe. It is NOT a CO’s job to be a judge, or jury in any way and a CO would tell you the same. That being said an inmate does not want to be there, some will at times manipulate the situation or maybe not act the way they would on the outside.
In this culture a CO can’t show what would be considered weakness at work by discussing feelings because the inmates or even other CO’s would take advantage of this, leading to many possible dangerous combinations for inmates and CO’s alike. Just like any other job not all CO’s get along and there may be trust factors to consider, so some CO’s may not want to share their difficulties with fellow co-workers, the only other ones who can truly understand what they go through day in/day out.
A World Beyond the Job
In my experience CO’s hold back from their loved ones. They don’t want to burden them with the awful things they hear, witness or are take part in as a duty of their job for fear their loved ones won’t see them in the same light anymore. For Fear their loved ones won’t look at them the same or will look at them with fear or won’t love them anymore. For Fear their loved ones can’t take it and will leave them. In my experience CO’s hold their feelings in, ignore them, build a tough exterior and “suck it up and deal”.
I don’t know what other loved ones have done. I can’t tell you how they have responded. I can tell you I have made my husband talk to me. I have made him share things he may not have wanted to share with me. It has not always been sunshine and roses between us, but we have always been honest, maybe even a little too honest. But I know this has made us stronger and I know those feelings have to go somewhere.
As a loved one of a CO, my fear is he won’t tell me what’s going on and he will shut me out. I fear he will isolate himself so much and stop feeling anything. I fear he will stop enjoying our life together and stop seeing the world outside the bars and stop living in it. I fear I will lose him one day if I don’t push him.
I’m sad for the officer who didn’t have someone pushing him this way or maybe he did and it wasn’t enough. For all you loved ones out there — don’t back down because you are the connection to the world outside the bars. You’re the ones our loved CO’s need to remind them there is a world beyond their job. They see the worst of worst and get locked in 8hr+ everyday 40+hr/wk. It’s our job to remind them of the outside. They didn’t commit the crime, they just watch over the people who chose to.