C1 Member “R.P.” from Virginia asks: What steps can I take to be ready for an off-duty confrontation?
A: Most officers will go their whole career without ever having an off-duty confrontation. I hope that you are among them. But there is always the chance that, one day, something will happen that will force you into “officer mode” outside of work, possibly in front of your family.
With that in mind, let’'s look at important lessons that can be learned from other officers’ experiences.
Most of us who carry a weapon take the time to train with it, learn retention techniques and mentally prepare ourselves for a confrontation. But have we trained our family how to respond to a confrontation?
Three years ago, I had to confront an armed assailant with my off-duty weapon. Had my family not understood what they had to do, things could have turned out much worse. I did make some critical errors, and for everyone’s benefit, I would like to share them with you.
On this day, my family was moving the last of our trailer-loads of possessions into our new home. As I pulled into the driveway, my wife commented that the kitchen light was on, and that she was sure she’'d turned it off when we’d last been there. My first mistake: I wrote off her observation as paranoia, and continued out of my truck to the front door.
I picked up my weapon and some books, and headed to the front door. My wife, having the only key to the house, went in front of me with the kids to open the door. Mistake number two: Putting my family between a suspicious circumstance I had missed and my weapon.
As my wife opened the door, I heard a sound in the house, and saw my wife jump back: A burglar, I finally realized.
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I yelled for my family to get back in the truck and lock the doors as I pulled the slide back on my weapon. Amateur hour was not over yet though.
I stepped to the front of the door, my weapon raised and my finger indexed on the slide.
Inside, I saw a dark figure in the back of the entry room holding a fireplace poker. I identified myself and told the suspect I was armed.
At this point I realized two things: First, I confronted an armed attacker (who I now had a weapon pointed at), and second, that my family was in the truck — essentially right behind the burglar — eliminating any chance I had at using lethal force to defend myself.
Luckily the armed robber decided to run out the back door and out of sight.
But, just when you think I couldn’t make any more mistakes, I holstered my weapon and called 911 as I walked back to the truck to check on my family. My wife and kids were safely in the vehicle.
When I was on the phone with the dispatcher, I heard footsteps behind me coming from the house. I un-holstered my weapon and confronted suspect number two (who we later found out was using the bathroom). This suspect also stood in a place in the house where firing at him was not an option.
Police arrived shortly after, but the suspect got away. It was only through strong verbal commands, a show of force (my weapon) and dumb luck that no-one was injured. The burglars vandalized our home and took almost everything we owned.
The point is that my family knew what to do. They did not argue, they did not deviate from what I had told them to do. They trusted me as a father, a husband and more importantly in this case, they trusted me as an officer. Despite all of my tactical errors, the situation was resolved without violence or injury.
Had my family not reacted properly, there is a chance they would have become part of the problem. The only way we can assure that your family understands their responsibility is to talk to them about it.
Here are some quick talking points for you and your family:
- Does every family member understand his or her responsibility during an off-duty confrontation?
- Designate a safe place where your family can go if the situation calls for it – somewhere decided ahead of time where you can find them later.
- Help them understand that during a potentially violent confrontation they must trust your judgment, not just as a husband or wife, but also as an officer.
- Talk about who will call 911 when an incident happens. Perhaps the spouse could call 911 immediately — this would ensure the officer knows back-up is on the way.
- Decide ahead of time what types of incidents you, the officer, are willing to get into. More than anything, your family needs you alive.
The last talking point is the most important. I have made the decision that if my family is with me, I will not get involved in any situation that does not directly threaten their safety. I am not going to try to stop a mugging or shoplifter if the circumstances do not directly threaten my family. I am not going to get involved in relatively small incidents; this is why we have on-duty police officers. I will be a good witness and call 911.
This can be hard to do, but you must stick to it. The last thing you want is your family hurt because you want to be a hot-shot.
Another thing that bears mention is the possibility of a mass attack such as a terror attack. In a post-9/11 world, we all need a plan should terror strike close to home. Give your family the benefit of your training and experience so they can learn to protect themselves during a major incident. Their number one job is to get somewhere safe and hunker down, even if you are involved. This cannot be stressed enough.
If you have never spoken to your family about your role as a responder or defender, then this is the time. Don’t wait until next week. Sit down tonight, let your spouse read this article, and talk about it.
It may be uncomfortable for you, but it is well worth the effort.
I appreciate all the email from our readers, and answer all of them personally. As always, I welcome any reader questions or suggestions for future articles. My goal as a trainer is not to know everything, but to pool from the resources I have and the experiences I’ve had to make your lives safer.
Vest up and watch your six!
Also read: Off-duty survival: Are you ready to fight?